The Law of Non-Resistance: Am I Forcing Things to Happen?

Gabby Bernstein says that in a relationship, when one person is growing and the other person isn’t, this creates a disconnect between the two. Forcing a relationship means you’re trying to “make” something happen rather than allowing it to.

Are you forcing things to happen rather than allowing them to? Today, I want to talk more about the Law of Non-Resistance and how we can stop trying to force things to happen in our lives.

If someone doesn’t rise with you, if a job doesn’t give you the space you need to be you, there’s nothing more you can do other than focus on you. You can’t make them grow or catch up to you. The person, situation, job, thing is actually there to help you step into yourself and grow even more. But it’s important to have awareness about what life is telling you.

Waiting is hard. Some things just take time, attention, practice, and effort to grow. Then, little by little, things start to materialize, sink in, and take shape without you having to constantly act on them. In this process, taking a step back and allowing the growth to take shape is just as important as working on the thing you want to manifest.

Think back to a time when you wanted something badly. Think about something you tried to force before it was ready. What was it? What was the end result? Did you get what you wanted? Did you give up?

In these moments of frustration, remember that YOU are in charge of your life. You decide how much effort and commitment you are willing to put into things. The way to do this is to:

Know the difference between “I have to do this” and “I want to do this” or “I get to do this”. The more “I want to” energy you put into your life, the less you’ll feel you need to force things or work at them. They will just feel natural. The energy we put into things we want, rather than things we need is an important distinction. Need implies some sort of lack and brings with it an negative energy. “I get to do this” means you bring a sense of gratitude with you which is much more likely to work for you and increase the momentum of your progress.

Try this exercise:

In your daily activities, practice giving your full attention to what your doing. Don’t overthing, don’t anticipate the next thing, just be present. Take a few deep breathes as you go through the motions of each activity. If it’s washing your dishes, wash them with your full attention and be aware of the feelings and sensations that surface. This is mindfulness.

Pay attention to the energy you bring into everything you do. Choose to be grateful for each moment, rather than to focus on “getting”.

In my article about no-resistance practice, I talk about how to allow things to just be and let negative thoughts float by you as you maintain a mindful state. Aaron Doughty has a great analogy. He describes life as a trip on a raft through a rapidely flowing river. We have a choice to either go with the flow and see where the river takes us, or to struggle and try to force the raft to change direction, possibly losing our balance and falling in. Trust is crucial.

When we try to control or force things, we lose sight of the fact that the universe (life) already has a plan for us and we need to trust that it will take us to exactly where we need to be. Don’t go down the river of life kicking and screaming or trying to slow things or change direction. Make your choice, choose the raft you want to sit in, choose the river you want to go down, and then let life happen. Enjoy the ride.

Photo by Must Bee on

Tolley’s practice of non-resistance also asks us to TRUST. If you’re forcing life, you’re not trusting yourself, the universe, or others. This is a hard thing to learn but an important part of becoming mindful in our daily activities and decisions in order to allow things to unfold.

The Law of Non-Resistance can help you have more harmony and balance in your life. When you resist, this is actually a sign that you’re in the middle of personal growth. Things are changing.

Change and growth take time and its important not to rush or try to control this process. It’s inevitable though that when you put in effort and do good things, it will come back to you in due time. The process is not immediate. In fact, often times we give up just as things are about to open up for us.

I can remember many times in my life when I had put in as much effort as I could with something I wanted. I was at the end of my rope. I felt like giving up, and for a moment, I stopped trying. The very next day, I would receive a sign from the universe that the thing I’d been working towards was about to happen. Life is like that.

When negativity happens, when you’re not getting what you want, allow this to just “be”, let it exist and pass. Imagine it as a bubble floating by you. Give it enough time and it will float away. Nothing is permanent.

When your interactions with others are unbalanced and you’re trying to control, consider whether you’re actually making more effort than the other person. Are you having to ask the person for their time or contribution? Are you receiving excuses in return? Are you feeling an energy of “lack”? Flow implies reciprocity.

If you’re often finding yourself justifying why you’re the only one trying, you may begin to feel like you aren’t enough or are unappreciated. Ask yourself why. It’s likely you’re trying to force the situation. Take time to listen to what your intuition tells you.

Take a look at my YouTube video on how to use your intuition to make decisions for tips on how to do this. Follow your gut, not just in your life decisions but also with your interactions with people. Learning to do this completely changed the energy I was bringing into situations, and helped me transform challenging relationships.

Photo by Oluremi Adebayo on

When you feel the most resistance, this is the time to let it go and let it flow. Reacting doesn’t require any real thought, it’s instinctual. But, instinct is one of our most animalistic qualities and doesn’t always serve us. In a dangerous situation, reacting is crucial. But in everyday life,  MINDFUL RESPONSE is our best course of action. Responding in a mindful way means thinking before speaking or acting, and being non-reactive to things. This allows you to maintain a sense of balance without losing yourself or making things worse.

If you need support in learning to be less reactive, and more mindful, click below on the image for access to your FREE guided meditations. Meditation is one of the best tools to use on a daily basis to keep your sense of balance and stay calm.

Copyright Authentic World Inc 2021, Michelle Thompson 2021


My name is Michelle. I have over twenty years of experience as a group facilitator and public educator. I’ve helped thousands of people re-imagine their lives and create concrete plans for self-improvement. I’ve facilitated dozens of workshops and support groups on topics like stress management, mental health and wellness, goal setting, grief counselling, safety planning, and confidence building. I’m a former social worker and non-profit consultant, and after struggling for years with my own feelings of anxiety and uncertainty about who I was and what I wanted, I did the work and learned how to get out of my own way and create an authentic meaningful life for myself. Now I teach others to do the same. I created Authentic World Inc, to offer a supportive space for learning these important life skills.

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Published by Coach Michelle

Founder, Authentic World Inc

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